Wednesday, December 13, 2017

What Happened Last Night? #alpolitics

  1. Both parties have their lemmings. Those are the people who will vote for your candidate based solely on the R of the D after their name. Nothing, literally nothing, will persuade them otherwise. They are dyed in the wool red or blue. You probably know someone like this. Heck, you very well might be someone like this.
  2. Each voting district has it’s own makeup of lemmings. Most have a greater concentration of one color or another. The colors I refer to are red and blue, so back off SJW’s! This preexisting advantage toward one outcome or another determines red states and blue states, red voting districts and blue voting districts.
  3. Historically, the strategy to win an election is to energize your base so they will appear at the polls, then convince enough unaffiliated people to vote for your candidate to sway the election. At the same time, it is very common to try to deflate your opponent’s base with so-called “dirty politics” which are only dirty in the event that your claims against them are not true.

Still with me? Because I think this will pay off.

Democrats are right to be excited about a victory last night. The ratio of committed red and blue voters is HEAVILLY swayed to the red side in Alabama. The last time this senate seat was “contested” Jeff Sessions won with over 90% of the vote. It helps when the other party doesn’t even show up. I say that because he had no opponent. Nobody in the Democratic party was willing to spend the money to even oppose the Republican in that state.

This means that the red lemmings in Alabama are many, a great percentage. So for Judge Roy Moore to lose in this election, many of the members of this voting block either voted AGAINST their dyed in the wool party, or more likely, they stayed home out of disgust over the accusations against a man they had voted into their state Supreme Court more than once.

So if enough people in a deep red state did not support the red candidate out of their own disgust, moral conviction, etc for a blue candidate to represent them rather than their familiar red, then anyone who says that all red voters are devoid of morality or care for others needs to look to Alabama and stop painting with such a wide brush. There are some people on either side of our divided nation who do not blindly march with their party regardless of the conscience that was placed there by their creator.

And this creator is one who saves sinners, not good people. Did you ever think about that? Christ came to save sinners. If you aren’t a sinner, you have no place with him. That person on the wrong side of the aisle, with the wrong bumper stickers, they may very well be just the sort of person who needs Jesus. There is a divide in our country that ought not be there. Both parties will tell you that the solution is peace through political victory. I tell you that both peace and victory will only come from the Prince of Peace who won the final Victory through his own self-sacrifice.

He has a message for your opponent. He has a message for you. Are you listening?

Thursday, October 05, 2017

The real reason Colin Kaepernick is still not on a team

It’s actually quite simple. Some people say that the sporting competition is all that matters. Some say that the end product is more than just the 60 minutes of playing time in an NFL game.

  1. So many sports entertainment outlets are looking at what the players do as a sport, with the goal being to win games. The decision makers (Owners, Commissioner, etc) ultimately look at the NFL not as sport, but as a product.
  2. When the financial backers, whether they be the fans or the sponsors, sour on the product, non-sports decisions are made. And these decisions may adversely affect the outcome of games, but the product is what is truly being protected.

Is Colin Kaepernick good enough to start in today’s NFL? Yes. Is he a lightning rod of political attention? Yes. Who caused that to happen? He did with the help of these same sports entertainment outlets who are arguing that he deserves a job.

One of these outlets, by the way, is ESPN. You know, the “sports” channel that spends more time parading political viewpoints than they do sports. The channel who recently was forced to layoff a sizable portion of their on-air talent. The channel who is losing viewers at an alarming rate. That channel.

Colin Kaepernick cooked his own golden goose. Other current players are trying to follow suit and the league is suffering viewership and revenue because of it. The NFL is not as wounded as some would say, but neither are they as impervious to danger as others would say.

The solution is simple. Understand your audience. Give them a product that they will support. If they are not supportive of your current product, that’s not their problem. You have the right to free speech, yes you do. But why don’t you do that on your own dime and time, rather than hijacking someone else’s product to feature your own grievances?

Saturday, September 23, 2017

FYI: State Lotteries are NOT Random Drawings

Ex-lottery worker who rigged winnings gets 25 years in prison

Here in Iowa, this has been a big story for a long time now. Here’s the TL;DR: Tipton worked for the Iowa Lottery, I believe in security. With his inside knowledge, he purchased some lottery tickets, then had confidants collect the winnings once the numbers were selected and they matched his entries.

Everybody agrees that what he did was dishonest. He defrauded the other players of the game that was rigged, reducing the available funds for a jackpot. Yes, he deserves punishment. But here’s the real question that nobody seems to be asking.

If this man was able to rig an apparently random drawing, why should anyone trust the fairness of any lottery game? Or any gambling game of chance, for that matter. He not only stole this money from every player of the lottery, he removed the claim that the results are random. And people still put their money into a corrupt system in the false hope that their chance to win the jackpot is based on any sort of chance whatsoever.

Either the game is random or it is guided. Tipton showed the world that the Iowa Lottery is not random and nobody seems to care. The state continues to use this lottery as a regressive tax on the poor and the customers continue to act like they haven’t been notified that the game is dishonest and buy their tickets all the same.

Wednesday, July 05, 2017

Getting the 4th off, but not the 5th???

I know that I haven’t exactly been faithful to my resolution for 2017, that being my desire to complain more. Well that changes right now, at least for one post. You see, I had to go to work today. On July the 5th. But I got all day off yesterday so I could… run errands. I’m not complaining about running errands mind you. I’m complaining about getting an illogical day off.

Sure, Independence Day is a great day to remember my country’s OG Brexit event. And to do so I could go to a local carnival. But let’s get real. The municipal fireworks are the real main event of the national holiday and they don’t happen during my 9-5 job. They start at least four hours after I would normally get off work. I don’t need July 4th off. That doesn’t really accommodate the holiday because when those fireworks have finished, everyone disperses.

Once you’ve gotten back to your car, gotten the car out of the parking lot, managed to get on a main road and returned home it’s pretty late. But you’re OK. You had the whole day off! Nevermind the fact that you will need to get up at your regular time tomorrow and go back to work.

That’s a travesty. We should celebrate Independence day with July 4th fireworks and July 5th office closings. Let an evening carnival and nighttime fireworks serve as the peak of the holiday, not as the conclusion! This is something I would do, were I king of the world.

Of course, getting out from under the thumb of a monarchy is the whole reason we celebrate Independence Day. I guess I’ll settle for being free to complain.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Tuesday, April 04, 2017

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Is a Hot Dog a Sandwich?

Never one to shy away from controversy, I have decided to tackle this topic today. I have long put it off, but it is a topic I can ignore no longer.

First things first, it is important that we determine the parameters of a sandwich. That is, what it means to be a sandwich. If you can’t properly define what a sandwich is, then your opinion in this matter bears very little weight. A quick Google search (AKA: “Research”) tells us that a sandwich is an item of food consisting of two pieces of bread with meat, cheese, or other filling between them, eaten as a light meal.

If you ask my lovely bride, a hot dog is not a food item. If you ask anyone who has ever eaten a hot dog, the bun is expected to be cut down the middle, but not separated into two distinct pieces of bread. A hot dog is a sausage that is frequently served in a split single bun, and it shares that category with bratwurst, polish sausage and other sausages of European origin, with a strong emphasis on Germany. The frankfurter and kielbasa are also within this category. Please note that the category is the sausage, specifically the linked sausage. The bun is an optional modifier. The category that houses the hot dog is German while the proper sandwich is of British origin.

Then comes the debate over whether it is acceptable to use ketchup on a hot dog. If the hot dog is intended to be served to children, I say that it is acceptable. But don’t you dare put ketchup on a Chicago style or on a Chili dog. Those versions are not for children but for men.

Friday, February 24, 2017

When good shows start to smell

Benjamin Franklin famously said that guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. The idea being that both are delightful at first and can be enjoyed for a while, but in time you will begin to tire of them and at a point you will really not want to be in the proximity of them. Three days for guests and fish. 7-8 seasons for most successful television shows.

The television show expiration date is one that can be manipulated somewhat, depending on the show’s premise and the ability for the scope of the show to expand without losing credibility. Signs of impending doom for a show include the addition of a major character and a large change to the premise of the show. These are both indicators that the writers have used their best ideas and are frantically searching for more.

—– SPOILER ALERT: THE WALKING DEAD —–

I have been watching The Walking Dead since my son suggested I watch Season One on Netflix in preparation for Season Two. We binge watched that first season in a weekend and I was completely hooked. I had never watched any zombie shows or movies before, save the Scooby Doo show as a child and had very few preconceptions about zombies to begin with, so this show was able to set the table for me.

This new world that Rick Grimes woke up into was populated with animated corpses that would attack any living beings they encounter and eat. There were very few survivors and your best hope was to find others and look out for one another, raiding the stores and homes that were suddenly vacant for food and supplies. Season one was more about the zombies in the beginning, but quickly shifted toward being more about the human interactions with the ever present danger of zombies prodding the humans to keep moving.

As the seasons progressed, the zombies became less and less the worst threat in this world. Reduced resources and the resulting conflict between groups of survivors became a bigger problem. This is why the Prison, Woodbury, Terminus and Alexandria became such interesting arcs. The addition of the Hilltop added intrigue as a potential friend or rival with Alexandria. The survivors began to reclaim a sense of civilization.

Up to this point, everything was feasible, if you allow your acceptance to include a world overrun by corpses that walked around seeking living people to consume. Under that premise, it was believable that people would raid stores and homes, that some groups would try to be agrarian and defensive while others would be more apt to fight and raid even the other survivors to their benefit.

The show has been in a really good place for several seasons, but ratings have slipped a bit. The premise of the show cannot continue to be one of lather, rinse, repeat forever. Even compelling storylines and characters cannot keep a similar concept going indefinitely. The story has to be kept fresh and has to continue to advance. And sometimes the only way to do this is to kill off a major character and build up new characters to change dynamics. You can do this in a post-apocalyptic story.

—– SPOILER ALERT: NOW I’M SERIOUS! —–

The current season has the survivors fighting a group that calls itself “The Saviors.” This is a group that finds the nearby groups of survivor communities and runs a protection racket on them. Each understanding they come to is unique to that group. In the case of Alexandria, they are to give half of everything and all of their guns, which makes long term survival in this world unlikely at best.

The first half of the season did two things.

  1. It built up the Saviors so everyone would know that they are the big dog on the block. They killed two major members of Rick’s group, both strong fighters and they did it in cold blood. They are too strong for our main group of survivors and too ruthless to be allowed to continue.
  2. The other thing the first half season did was introduce the viewers to other groups in the area. These groups are generally unaware of each other, though they are all fairly well established.  And that’s where the bounds of belief begin to stretch.

The Hilltop is a group that lives on the grounds of a living history museum. I could see that. The Kingdom? Some dude convinced other survivors that he was a king like Hamlet who had a full sized pet tiger, and they should wear armor made from motocross gear and act like knights? A group of women who kill any outsiders on sight and their community has no men whatsoever, even if it was the Saviors who killed all of the men? And now a community that lives in a garbage dump maze and who have somehow lost their ability to speak coherently with others in just a few years?

The gameplan for Rick is to try and convince these groups to band together and kill off the Saviors once and for all. In the years his group was without a home base, when they would scout from one area to another, hunting and foraging as they went, they did not see any of these other people, and now they’re tripping over them? And these groups had no knowledge of each other? Every group has been making attempts to provide fresh food for themselves, but every group has also been raiding the canned goods as they go. But only the Hilltop and Alexandria had any real knowledge of the other? And the Saviors were unaware of Alexandria all this time?

I’m invested in this show. I either want the show to return to feasibility or I want it to come to a logical and conclusive end. I don’t want to see it fizzle out the way so many others do. Fonzie jumped a shark on water skis while wearing his leather jacket. Roseanne won the lottery and the story changed from one of a lower to middle class family just trying to pay the bills to one of a recently widowed millionaire. The audience could no longer relate and the show was cancelled.

The Walking Dead is now it its seventh season and an eighth season is in the works. The writers claim they have enough material to produce an additional 5-7 seasons. If the show doesn’t return to a look at society under a lens where there is no universal government, law or order, if it doesn’t become the Western that apocalyptic shows really are, then I don’t think we’ll have a season nine.

I hope you’re still reading. I hope you keep reading this.

Side note: this can also happen in a Christian context. The newness of one’s faith may begin to fade and they are desperate to return to that feeling once again. Sometimes the person will change churches. Sometimes they will change denominations. Sometimes they will begin to incorporate religious practices that are inconsistent with Christianity! As often as not, these people are rooted in their own feelings instead of Christ. This is idolatry in your own feelings and in your own self and is detestable before God. I am not saying that these people cannot be true Christians, though it is possible that they may not be. I am saying that these people need to repent of this sin and turn to Christ as the only satisfying need in their life.

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

Perspective

Yes, I noticed that the number 7 is displayed both as a word and as a number. No, I didn’t make this image.

#GoPackGo

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Monday, February 06, 2017

The reason I cheered for the Patriots

That’s not to say that I won’t root for them again. I am always looking for an AFC team to serve as my secondary team. The Patriots just joined the Raiders (which means the Chiefs and Chargers gotta go) and the Steelers for AFC teams to keep an eye on.

Friday, February 03, 2017

Go Patriots! For the next 48 hours.

As a Packers fan, I usually have a difficult time choosing who to cheer for in the Superbowl. You see, we usually make it to the playoffs, and since only two playoff teams make it to the big game, that leaves ten playoff teams who don’t. That means that the disappointment in the Packers loss is still somewhat fresh. A good problem to have, I realize. And if you want to call this a humble brag, it’s OK. I’ll own it.

In years past, I have usually chosen to root for the team that beat the Packers out of the playoffs in the Superbowl. I want to be able to say that the only team that could have beat my team is the NFL champions. That salves my conscience when I cheer for a team that is not my own. It’s imperfect, but I make it work. So by this logic, you would think that I should cheer for the Atlanta Falcons.

Ever since the Patriots were caught cheating to win the first Superbowl by filming the Rams practice, they have been a tainted team everywhere outside Foxboro. They do things unlike any other team in the league and get players to accept less money in exchange for a legitimate chance to win it all, and this attracts a lot of players who have earned their money and are now chasing legacy. I’ve had a lot of mixed feelings about this team. They do things the way I think they should be done. They prepare like no other team. Their players are extremely well coached, allowing them to exceed the sum of their talent. But they have a history of breaking rules. Teams that come to their stadium seem to have problems with their communication equipment on a regular basis.

Enter Roger Goodell, the NFL Commissioner. His decisions have not been good for the league. He is not consistent in his disciplinary actions, and his inconsistencies don’t seem to follow any logical course of judgment. Over two years ago, the Patriots beat the Colts in the playoffs. No, they decimated the Colts. The final score was 45-7. And after the loss, the Colts complained that the football was underinflated.  Goodell dragged this case, nicknamed “Deflategate” for over a year, and the US Supreme Court almost got involved.

A branch of the US Government was almost brought in to rule on the PSI of a football played in the NFL. Let that sink in for a minute. Roger Goodell allowed this incident to fester for over a year, rather than fine the team and be done with it. Ultimately Tom Brady was forced to miss the first four games of this season as a punishment for the event. The Patriots won three of those four games and then went on a rampage through the remainder of their games, only losing one other game.

The Patriots have been on an unspoken mission. Every team’s goal is to win the Superbowl, but to the Patriots it goes a step beyond other teams. Their goal is not only to win, but to put their embattled quarterback on the stage next to the commissioner. They want to force the commissioner to publicly hand the Lombardi trophy to their team. And they want to force Roger Goodell to announce that Tom Brady is the Superbowl MVP.

And so do I.

Do I really want Tom Brady to win five rings? Do I really want to hear people say that Brady is the GOAT when I would say that Aaron Rodgers is the best QB in the league? No. But I did try to jump on the Atlanta Falcon bandwagon and just couldn’t do it. I tried to become a short term Patriot fan and that was hard to maintain. Too much baggage. But my disdain for Roger Goodell is strong enough to want the most uncomfortable result for him. I truly hope to see Goodell hand the MVP trophy to Tom Brady. It would be a fitting end to over two years of his harassment of the Patriots and even more years of spineless ruling over the NFL.

So for the next two days, I am a Patriots fan second. And a Packers fan first. Always a Packers fan first.

Go Patriots!

The real reason why Amazon exists. Single Point of Contact.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Fitness Trackers are the WORST!

It’s time for my next New Year’s Resolution post. As you may recall, my resolution is to complain more often. And just as I haven’t exactly been consistent in my resolution, the same could be said for most people and their personal resolutions, can I get a witness?

I sit here, typing away on a keyboard without a fitness tracker on my wrist because it is charging, as it has been for about 48 hours now. Not because it takes that long, but because it’s presently “out of sight, out of mind” and yes, that is a lame excuse. Why should I go for a walk now if I can’t get credit for it? Yes, that’s another lame excuse. I still slept last night, even though my tracker didn’t monitor the quality of my sleep.

But that’s not even the focus of my rant. Oh no! The problem I have with fitness trackers is the same problem I have with Instant Messaging programs. They’re all proprietary, and they’re actually pretty stupid. And I’ll address each complaint directly.

Proprietary components and programs are the result of anti-consumer, pro-greed sentiments. The only reason the masses haven’t marched on Washington to protest them is because the biggest offender is Apple. And based on the number of iPhones you see in the vertical videos of protests on YouTube, protesters love their Apple products and are immersed in proprietary chargers, headphones, messaging apps, and more. They don’t try other products, claiming these products don’t meet their needs. And what are their needs? They need to work with their iProducts that they are already so heavily invested in.

And the same is true, to a lesser degree, in fitness trackers. One has the better app. One has the cooler wristband. One syncs with a few other apps that you already use or would like to. All of them do a few things great. None of them do everything the consumer wants them to do. And they won’t open up their API’s so you can use the better tracker with the preferred software. Why? Because then you would be managing your healthy patterns using components that they can’t control and leverage for their benefit.

Now to address the stupidity of the fitness trackers. This has nothing to do with my belief that your sleep data can only be estimated based on your nighttime movements or that if you walk like Fred Flintstone with your arms motionless at your sides your steps will be miscounted. This ties into the proprietary nature of fitness apps again.

I want a smartwatch. I want a nice one that looks like a nice watch and also has the features of a smartwatch. A smartwatch will do the same things as an exercise tracker, but I would take it off before I go swimming or jogging. Stop laughing. It could happen. I’d also take it off while sleeping.

I want a smartwatch that would be put on and taken off regularly. But I also want to wear a fitness tracker on a more semi-permanent basis. Is it too much to ask for software on my phone that is intelligent enough to recognize when two reporting devices are reporting the same activity? I do, but I don’t want double credit for when I exercise.

Why isn’t this already a thing? Why couldn’t the there be a universal phone app that takes all of the data collected about my activity, and credits me for the steps that the devices collects, divided by the number of devices? Or the most reliable device is counted and the others are discounted?

So there you have it. My rant about proprietary devices, with most of my wrath directed toward fitness trackers. Now I take a deep cleansing breath, let it all out, and go for a walk. Which isn’t being counted. Because my tracker is still at home. On the charger.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

I can relate…

10,000 Papercuts

Just about any husband says that he would die for his wife. What we have in mind is usually a heroic, quick death. Taking a bullet on her behalf, pushing her out of the way of a train. You know, the kind of deaths that you see as meaningful.

But how many husbands would glamorize a slow death that lasts a lifetime? If we give our lives away to Jesus by loving our wives as Christ loved the Church, and if we are called by Him to die to self daily, then prolonged death is actually what we’re supposed to be doing.

Ask yourself, “How am I denying myself for the sake of my wife?” While you’re at it, how are you denying yourself for the sake of your neighbor? Your church? Your enemy?

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

I don’t believe you

Last night I watched “Walk the Line” with Joaquin Phoenix for the first time. This movie is a biopic of the life of Johnny Cash from his younger years as a poor child of a sharecropper, through his dark years of addiction and a failing family life, to his eventual proposal to June Carter. I enjoyed it very much and several details of his younger life come into play in his later years. This is a movie that I would suggest you watch more than once and I suspect you’d pick up on more things as you watch it again.

One such pivotal event in his life was his audition for Sun Records, which is shared in this post. Johnny and his band are playing the gospel song they have been practicing together for just this moment and the producer cuts them off to tell them that he wouldn’t be interested in music that won’t sell. Their song was already well known and was a radio staple with other bands performing it and there was no angle for Johnny to approach it that would set it apart from the others. Or as the producer said, “I don’t believe you.”

This belief had nothing to do with the sincerity of Cash’s belief in God, but in the way that his belief was presented within the song. It had been rehearsed to the point where the genuineness, the emotion, of the song was stripped out. That, and the market saturation of such songs, was going to be the premature doom of Johnny Cash’s career and he needed something that was relatable right at that moment or his band would be wished a good day and he would either go back to selling items door to door or he would take a job at his father in law’s business.

He sang “Folsom Prison Blues” on his own, since his band wasn’t familiar with the song yet, and the rest is history. As the movie progresses, he understands the plight of prisoners more and more as his behavior takes him down a path where he can identify with outlaws and outcasts on a more personal level. And the ill-advised concert inside Folsom Prison marks the point in the story where he comes full circle, embracing his outlaw identity and reclaiming his status as one of the biggest stars in the history of these United States of America.

His success really developed when he stopped singing the same songs as everybody else and sang out of his own experience as a poor child raised during the Great Depression, acquainted with death and sorrow, and never quite being accepted by his own father. It was out of this underlying desperation that he was able to sing a song that caused the producer to believe him enough to sign him to a contract. And it was this desperation and the success that he chased that took him down many dark paths.

It struck me that much of the arts that we have enjoyed in the last few generations have been inspired by hardship. People tend to celebrate that which they identify with, and celebrations often take the form of song. Where is the next great blues act going to come from or will new examples of this expression fade into disingenuousness? How can you sing about the summer days of youth when your childhood was spent looking at a screen? What kind of believable artistic expression comes out of a culture of uninhibited hedonistic desires with internally rejected consequences?

I’m glad I watched this movie. It told a compelling story and did not sugar coat Johnny Cash. It did not overlook the fallout of his choices or place the blame for the outcomes elsewhere. It made me think. It made me feel. It made me care. The movie has been out a good decade now. If you haven’t seen it yet, do yourself a favor and look it up!

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Hyper-Seasonal Clothing

With the holiday season recently behind us, you probably think I’m referring to ugly Christmas sweaters here, but oh no. It goes far beyond that! Sure, Christmas clothing tends to be obnoxious, and poorly made. Why? Because you can only wear it for 2-4 weeks a year, that’s why. You can get away with that awful shirt and light-up pants combo from Black Friday to December 27 at the extremes, though it’s really a borderline faux pas to wear it before December 15 or after midnight Christmas day.

But 2-4 weeks is actually pretty good! Think about it. Would you wear hearts for more than a week before or a second after Valentine’s Day? What about clovers beyond St. Patrick’s Day? That ‘Merican Flag T-shirt looks great at the Independence Day carnival and fireworks, but it really starts to show it’s age by mid-July.

Your better plan is to dress for the weather or to just avoid going outside altogether. The clothing will be of better quality and much better taste. Plus you won’t have to have totes and bins holding all of the egregious clothing that you really can’t wear right now unless you want everyone to think that you just haven’t had a chance to catch up on your laundry.

I get it. I really do. I have a couple AWESOME Christmas sweaters. And my “Triple Dog Dare You” t-shirt is the shizzle! I have a few patriotic shirts and there are a couple pastel shirts tucked away for Easter in my closet, because nothing speaks to the resurrection of Jesus quite like a shirt that shows everyone just how confident I am in my masculinity. But really, why do I need these limited-use garments? If we can ship our “Detroit Lions NFC North Champions” shirts to third world countries, can’t we do the same for our kitschy clothing that we bought in last year’s after Christmas clearance sale anyway?

This whole “Complain More Often” resolution is kinda fun!

Friday, January 06, 2017

NFL Wild Card Weekend

Just a few quick thoughts.

Oakland vs Houston should have been an easy win for the Raiders, but Derek Carr is out with a broken leg and their QB will actually be a third string guy. What a shame for such a great team in a great year. As it is now, I really can’t say who will win as both teams are in a QB funk. All things considered, I’m rooting for the Raiders.

Does anyone think that Miami has a chance to beat Pittsburgh? I mean really? You’ve had a great season, marine mammals. But it’s over after this weekend.

Seattle hosting Detroit is one that should be closer than some are saying. But ultimately I expect the home team to win this game, sending Detroit back… to Detroit. Which sounds really depressing to me.

And the highlight of the weekend for any football fan without a rooting interest in the previous three games is the New York Giants at Green Bay. Green Bay won in the regular season, in a lower scoring game. I expect the score to be higher for both teams and I expect to see Green Bay travelling to Dallas next week for the divisional round. #RunTheTable #GoPackGo

Home teams all around. That’s my prediction. To hedge my bet, historically the home teams win on wild card weekend 75% of the time, so one of these predictions will likely fall through. I hope the Packers win, so if I’m to be wrong in any of these predictions, I suspect the Texans could take advantage of a wounded Raiders team.

Well-Protected Yo-Yo Strings

I got a yo-yo in my Christmas stocking, so I bought a 10-pack of yo-yo string from Amazon.com. I actually feel a little bit bad about not adding to that order. I really took advantage of my Prime account. One pack of ten strings!

Anyway, when I got the notification that it had shipped I wondered if it would arrive in a regular envelope or a padded one. Much to my surprise, it arrived yesterday. In a box about twice the size of a shoe box. Stuffed with those big bubble wrap balloons that sound like a shotgun when you stomp on them.

I’m very grateful that they took such care to ensure that my yo-yo strings didn’t get damaged en route to my home. Those FedEx guys have been known to drop packages on my doorstep a bit more forcefully than necessary!

Thursday, January 05, 2017

When Escalator Steps Move at a Different Speed than the Handrail

My New Year’s Resolution, decided upon just recently, is to complain more often. If you like, we can call it an “airing of grievances.” Before you correct my attitude or behavior, please know that I am doing this for comedic purposes, not serious ones. If you have read this before, maybe just a day ago, save it. Yes, I understand that the airing of grievances is associated with Festivus. No, I won’t include the unadorned aluminum pole or the feats of strength. Maybe, I will label easily explainable events as “Festivus miracles”. What, you demand an unadorned aluminum pole? Fine. I’ll include a picture of one. Good enough.

I was at the mall recently, against my will in case you’re wondering, and I had to change levels, or floors if you will. You’ve done it before. You know what it’s like. You get on the moving steps a little tentatively at first to make sure your Crocs aren’t anywhere close to the edge of the step, then you reach out with your free hand and grasp the safety rail next to you. As you go up (or down if that’s your trajectory) you notice that your hand is no longer right beside you. And by the time you reach the next level of the mall, you find yourself standing at a 45 degree angle, possibly with a dislocated shoulder.

This is completely unacceptable! Do they expect you to let go and reposition your hand as you look at all the next floor of the mall has to offer? Don’t they understand the annoyance of that? Isn’t the customer always right? The whole purpose of an escalator is to move customers from one store to another with minimal effort. The only rational response I have left is to buy a baby stroller so I can take the elevator without looking like I’m too lazy.

/rant